There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
People with herpes should wear stickers.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
