I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
