dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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