The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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