getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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