Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
