well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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