That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
