Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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