mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
