this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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