Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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