She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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