Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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