Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
