Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
