Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
