really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
