somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
