Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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