We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
