My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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