I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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