Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
