Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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