Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
