I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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