I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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