Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think I won the penis lottery.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
