Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
