She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
