jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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