i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
