Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
