i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
