I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
