just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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