Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
