My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
