Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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