yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
