I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
