I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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