Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
