the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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