Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
