I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
