she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
only if we run a train.
done.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize