hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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