Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
