last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
