yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
