someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
