please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
