just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
