Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
