i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
