i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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