she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
