i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
