She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
