I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
