btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
