my mouth tastes like poor choices
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
