after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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