I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
