Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
