do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
