Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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