Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize