i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
As shirtless as possible
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
