I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize