Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
