Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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