im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Is it penis luge time yet?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
