Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
