If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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