why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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