Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
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