Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
the liver wants what the liver wants
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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