youre lurking in front of me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
