I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
