Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
