Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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