dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
